I'm sorry

OK, so maybe I’m not the most self-motivated person in the world. Four months ago I had grand visions of everything I was going to do to “find” myself. I have, however, come to some conclusions, through general life experiences, spending time alone, and through therapy sessions.

With this “not doing anything to find myself” bit, however, I should not be too hard on myself. I was active, in that I didn’t sit around all day in front of the T.V. all day. And I know I was active and eating healthy enough because I had been taking medication that is notorious for sudden weight gain, which did not happen to me. But my mind was not clear, and I never knew how I was going to feel day to day. I definitely still had my issues going on.

However, a new doctor placed me on more appropriate (ie, less harsh) medicine, and I’m feeling so much more stable and normal.

However, something happened last week that really hit me hard, and made me realize that I was wrong for not doing anything about getting a job, or doing something useful (volunteering). I had been taking this path, MY PATH, in which I was doing what I wanted: sleep in, Facebook for much of the time, etc, that was leading me nowhere.

I should have instead been thinking about what GOD wanted me to do. While I think He really did want me out of my former job, I don’t think He wanted me lazing around as much as I did.

So last Friday I had run across a series of videos on Youtube which discussed entertainers in our society today which cause us to follow Satan. While I understand that they were taking some liberties and giving extreme examples, there was a basic message, which I understood:
Much of popular culture is about pleasing oneself, instead of having the focus on pleasing God. There is a huge difference in the message communicated between your mainstream pop song and a Christian pop song.

These past 4 months I have been living life as was pleasing to myself, with not as much focus on what was pleasing to God.

I am so sorry this happened and pray to God about this.

But, the good news is: God forgives!